Creating a Home Away From Home

The Nebraska Alpha family club has been an incredible partner to the chapter. They help coordinate meals for special events, deliver care packages during finals, and organize the annual senior dinner to celebrate graduating members and their families. Their involvement makes the chapter feel like a true home away from home.

Building Community at Indiana Gamma

The Indiana Gamma family club is one of our most engaged and consistent examples of family partnership. Families organize regular tailgates during football season, help coordinate meals for recruitment and special events and manage a care package program that ensures brothers feel supported throughout the year. Each spring, they also plan and host the senior dinner to celebrate graduating members and their families. Their dedication to building community and providing encouragement has created a culture of support that positively impacts every brother in the chapter.

Family Partnership at Texas Zeta

At Texas Zeta, the family club and undergraduate chapter have created an exceptional partnership defined by consistent communication through newsletters, planning meetings, and shared online platforms. This alignment positions the family club not as a separate group but as an essential fraternity partner. From coordinating meal support to organizing tailgates and events that strengthen brotherhood, their shared mission and mutual respect set a national example for holistic engagement. At Texas Zeta, family doesn’t stop at the front door, it’s an active force in every aspect of fraternity life.

Interested in Starting a Family Club?

If your chapter doesn’t have a family club, there’s never been a better time to start one. family clubs can take many forms—from informal volunteer groups to structured organizations with regular programming. No matter the size or style, their impact is undeniable.

Ready to Get Involved?

For resources, guides, and examples from other family clubs—or to learn how to start one—visit: phideltatheta.org/join/for-families

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For many families, the transition from high school to college can be filled with great emotion: excitement, pride, stress, fear, hope. Such emotions are all valid and are similar to what your child is feeling.

College is an opportunity for personal growth, building new relationships, exposing oneself to new education and views, and preparing for a successful future. Each institution of higher education is unique and has different approaches to creating an environment to help your child achieve these things. College is not perfect, but there is nothing like it to prepare your child for a greater tomorrow.

While your child might be moving out of the house for the first time, and perhaps moving far away from you, your involvement and guidance as a parent is as important in the upcoming years as it has been up until this point. Yes, your child is naturally going to become more independent each year, but today’s generation is more connected than any preceding generation, and they welcome continual guidance and mentorship.

Once on campus, your child may become interested in fraternities and sororities within the Greek community. At surface level, most students are in search of a sense of belonging in their new environment, people with whom to socialize, even simply a place to live. Digging deeper, fraternities and sororities can become an extended family, filled with leadership, mentorship, service, and social opportunities for your child, centered around noble values.

Fraternities and sororities work diligently to educate their members about negative cultural factors that are present on college campuses (i.e. alcohol and drug abuse, hazing, sexual assault). The ultimate goal of this education is to minimize risky behavior that leads to bad decisions.

Those involved in the Greek community understand why parental concern is present when their sons or daughters show interest in joining a fraternity or sorority. It’s an important decision, and parental involvement and research is encouraged to help guide that decision.

To assist, consider the following questions as some of the most important your family can ask about the fraternity or sorority your child is deliberating:  

How is the chapter supported by adults?

The best fraternity and sorority chapters are surrounded by a team of engaged advisers. Advisers can come in many forms within the Greek community, including local advisory boards and housing corporation officers, regional volunteers and staff support from the inter/national organization, on-campus fraternity and sorority life advisers who are employees of the institution, and even live-in advisers who call the chapter facility home.

Reach out to the organization’s headquarters and ask for a comprehensive list of advisers who support the chapter. Make a few calls to these individuals to learn more about how they support the chapter.

How does the chapter encourage academic success?

College is a time to get an education, and academic success should be a main priority of any fraternity or sorority chapter. Fraternities and sororities can be a catalyst for academic success for your child, being surrounded by others who can offer mentorship and accountability. Most chapters will have GPA minimums and requirements to join and remain as a member. Academic programs that work towards a shared goal are also often present.

Ask the fraternity and sorority life office on your child’s campus for the current chapter GPA rankings.

Ask the chapter about its academic expectations and programs.

Is the Inter/national organization adapting to today’s students and issues?

The inter/national office of a fraternity or sorority determines the strategy, messaging, standards, policies, programs, and resource allocation surrounding the organization’s vision for the future. Each organization is unique and has strengths and weaknesses, but all should be encouraged to continuously refine their value proposition to today’s generation in a manner than leads with integrity. It’s important to understand what an organization can offer your child, and you can learn a great deal about an organization and its leaders on its website and social media platforms.

Ask the inter/national organization for its strategic plan and the collection of programs and experiences that can benefit your child.

What is the alcohol policy within the chapter facility?

More than 60% of fraternity and sorority undergraduate members are below the legal drinking age of 21. For years, all sororities have celebrated alcohol-free housing policies, and they have thrived within this environment. The trend is moving this way for fraternities. Fraternities and sororities are in the business of developing young collegians into greater versions of themselves. To accomplish this, the living environment for their members should support this and remove unnecessary risk for illegal activity. The great majority of issues within the Greek community (and on college campuses as a whole) start with alcohol.

Ask the chapter about its policies surrounding alcohol in the chapter facility.

Ask a representative from the inter/national organization about its alcohol policies.

Is diversity celebrated within the chapter?

One of the greatest benefits to college life is being surrounded by a diverse collection of people, cultures, and beliefs. Upon graduation, your child will enter a workforce that is more diverse than ever before, and career ascension will be directly related to the ability to work effectively with people of all types. Fraternity and sorority chapters should encourage a diverse intake of new members, and their rosters should be a microcosm of the school’s population.

Ask a chapter about their efforts to build a diverse membership roster.

How important is community and campus involvement to the chapter?

Research has shown that in general, members of fraternities and sororities are more engaged on campus and within the local community than their non-Greek peers, and this translates into a higher level of giving back to the campus community after graduation. Leadership and service are both very important within fraternities and sororities, and this can be seen through heightened involvement in student organizations and with philanthropic causes.

Ask the chapter about its members’ leadership accomplishments on campus and what percentage of its members are involved in a student organization on campus.

Ask the chapter about its community service and philanthropic activity (hours served, dollars raised) and why it’s important to them.

What does the new member education (pledging) process look like?

If you were to ask every fraternity and sorority headquarters about their main focuses, the majority would include educating and safeguarding around the new member education period. New members should be celebrated and treated with the utmost respect and the activities involved in the pledging period should reflect this. No inter/national fraternity or sorority supports activities that could be considered hazing, but it’s important to ask questions about your child’s new member period.

Ask to see an outline of the chapter’s new member education program.

Ask for the name of the new member educator and an adviser who can be contacted if there are concerns.

How does the chapter engage families during the year?

Family engagement should be welcomed in your child’s fraternity or sorority experience. Similarly, consistent communication and discussion about the experience amongst your family is encouraged. Many opportunities should be available for you to interact with your child’s fraternity or sorority experience including family weekends, homecoming, parents club activity, periodic communications from the chapter, or even the chance to serve on the chapter’s advisory board.

Ask the chapter about how it engages families throughout the year and ask for the contact information for a few parents of members to hear their perspectives.

What are the financial expectations of joining the organization?

College is expensive as it is, and many potential new members and their families worry about how additional fraternity or sorority dues may add to the bill and whether a return on investment is present. Inter/national fraternities and sororities have new member fees, initiation fees, and annual membership dues for each member. The local chapter will have its own fees that accompany this to help with programs, events, insurance, etc. Chapters with a facility on campus may add room and board costs into the financial expectations. Simply put, each chapter has a unique total cost, but it’s important to have a clear understanding of that cost before a membership decision is made.

Ask for a breakdown of the costs, the billing timeline, any options for payment plans, and how membership dues are used within the chapter’s operations.

Does the chapter have a history of discipline?

If a chapter has a history of discipline within the organization or on campus, it’s important to understand the details surrounding the situation(s) and the actions that have been taken by the chapter since. Inter/national organizations and the fraternity and sorority life office on campus can provide historical context about its chapters and details about progress that has been made. An emerging trend in some state law is a requirement to list all campus violations publicly. The fraternity and sorority life office on your child’s campus might have such listing.

Ask the Inter/national organization and fraternity and sorority life office on campus for a history of the chapter.

Asking these questions if and when your child is considering membership in a fraternity or sorority will provide great education and comfort surrounding a decision about membership. We also encourage your son or daughter to ask many of these same questions during the recruitment process.

Fraternities and sororities become better organizations when the families of their members are engaged in the experience. During the upcoming years, your child will grow and become independent, and it will make you quite proud. Part of that growth will be a greater realization of how their family worked so hard to help get them to this stage in life. For that, you should be celebrated.

Download the Guide

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As a mother of two Phi Delts, I can give a firsthand account of “learning as we go.”  When our oldest son went out of state to college in 2003, it was a whole new world for all of us.  Then after the first month on campus he called and said he wanted to join a fraternity.  His dad and I were clueless as to what that meant.  All we knew of fraternities was from the media, primarily John Belushi in Animal House.  Oh No!!  We set off to educate ourselves and to trust our son’s judgment.  Cost was also a concern, so our son promised to get a part-time job to pay his dues.  He held several leadership positions within the fraternity and campus-wide. After college, he went to graduate school and starting working with fraternities and sororities as a professional. Now, he works for Phi Delt’s headquarters. Who knew his fraternity experience would turn in to a career?

Five years later our second son decided to attend to same college and join the same fraternity as his older brother.  We were much more aware of what that meant and were fully supportive of his decision. He also had to work part time to pay his dues. The great experiences and family environment at the Phi Delta Theta house continued. Our youngest son even lived in the same room at the house, as our oldest. He also went on to find success through the fraternity and hold positions within the fraternity and became the campus Inter-fraternity Council president in his junior year.

Joining Phi Delta Theta and being an active member not only enhanced our sons’ growth and maturity, but they developed unmatched leadership experiences. The fraternity brothers encouraged each other to do their very best and provide peer stimulus to make good grades. They were a part of many community service projects while in college, and continue to practice that service.  They have developed lifelong relationships and connections for opportunities that they would otherwise not be exposed to.

We have had many Fall and Spring break gatherings at our home over the 8 years of college education.  Living in Southwest Florida was the perfect place for them to visit and go to the beach, lay by the pool and hang out in the evenings.  Sometimes as many as 10 Phi Delt brothers would come, many having to sleep on the floor.  The brothers that were international students were some of the most memorable guests and we enjoyed learning about their cultures. Every one of the young men were people we wanted our sons to associate with. I actually became famous for my fish tacos and lemon cake, while our sons’ dad was famous for his baby back ribs.  We soon became known as “Mama and Papa B,” and consider it an honor to be part of the Phi Delta Theta family. We’ve even given a speech or two to all the new parents during the fraternity’s luncheon during Parent’s Weekend. Looking back, we are very proud that we supported our sons’ decisions to join a fraternity, and we are very thankful for the experiences that Phi Delta Theta has provided them.

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The bedroom down the hall is empty, the television hasn’t been turned on in weeks, I change the sheets more out of habit than need, the clothes hanging in the closet go unworn, my son has moved out into the dorms. College life loomed ahead of him. The journey began with chemistry, biology, math, history, the trip to Ecaudor, the Galapagos Islands, the Amazon, and Honor’s classes. Paul is the first in our family to attend a 4-year university right out of high school.  As if that weren’t enough, a fraternity too?

This is my first blog, my first attempt at recording my experience beyond a diary I kept in Jr. High. It is with great pride that I take this mission on.  As a new fraternity Mom, as a college Mom (now with 2 boys in college), as an excited Mom, a sounding board, an observer, a woman, a single Mom, as a colleague, as a friend, as a confidant… I hope to tell you our story. I have faith that I will be sharing stories that will excite you, stories that will alleviate the fears, stories that will inspire, stories that will make you laugh, stories that may make you shed a tear, stories that will bond us PARENTS of the ones chosen to be Phi Delts.  This, I know, is going to be a journey, not only for Paul but also for myself.

Before I tell you how it began, let me tell you what I knew about Fraternities before my son decided to pledge.  My first memories of “Frats” include scenes from Van Wilder, Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds.  There is no way I would want my kid involved in that!  Visions of crazy Toga parties, beds being thrown out of the frat house windows, beer chugging contests & bra’s hanging from chandeliers. I actually pledged as a “little sister” to one of those “Frats” in my last year of high school. I will keep the name out of this blog as things may be very different now.  So, believe me, I have/had those same fears, anxieties & maybe a few giggles that you might be having.  Phi Delta Theta isn’t one of those, and perhaps they don’t exist anymore.  The few men I have met on campus that are Phi Delts are respectable, well-mannered gentlemen.  I haven’t heard any rumors, nor seen any evidence that this behavior exists within the Phi Delts and that makes me a happy Mom.

How it all started.  I am awakened to a text from Paul, it reads “I got a bid”. Huh? A what? How does that happen? What do I need to do?  Can I see it?  Can I touch it?  Oh wait… can you tell me?  Two days before my son’s 19^th birthday he received his bid.  What a great birthday present! What is a bid you might ask, just as I did.  Well… from what I understand, it meant the brothers of the Phi Delta Theta Cal Rho chapter at the University of La Verne in La Verne, California found my son to be what they were looking for to join their group? Family? Organization? Fraternity?  This is all so new to me!  I can’t wait to have all the right terminology, be able to say all the right things, but for now (day 3) I am still “winging” it, and learning just as my son is learning his part.  The next night was the actual pinning ceremony, where he received this diamond shaped light blue pin with the word “Phikeia”.  He is actually a Phikeia of the Alpha Xi class.  He has been elected the Phikeia Class Chair, how exciting, right?  I have been told it is a 6-week process from Phikeia to Phi Delta Theta, and that some don’t make it.  So many things to do, so much to learn, and then (IF he makes it—which I have faith he will) the initiation into Brotherhood.  He was so full of pride, as was I!  I was so sad to find out that this is a ceremony and therefore I couldn’t attend. (One more way us parents must let go.  Sigh! )  We are becoming a Phi Delta Theta family!

February 25, 2013 was his 19^th birthday. Across the table from me sat an emerging man… a pledge for Phi Delta Theta AKA Phikeia. His pin perfectly place above his heart, just as it should be. Proudly he showed us his Phikeia book, and recited the Greek Alphabet for me.  His little sister & I listened as he told us about his excitement, looking forward to the bonding exercises, the rock painting, meetings, rituals (which he explains he can’t talk about), the philanthropic activities to come, and the pledging process. As we left his birthday dinner, he quickened his pace to make sure he opened the door for us.  Such a gentleman in the making… Thank you Phi Delts!

It was comforting to hear that hazing won’t be a part of his experience transitioning from a Phikeia to a Phi Delta Theta.  When he told me the beginning of his freshman year that he wanted to join a fraternity, I will admit, I had some trepidation but also some excitement.  I had such pride that my son wanted to display a Greek symbol, take part in a “family” bigger than our own, share secrets, pride, and love of this organization.  As I read more about Phi Delta Theta, read the list of accomplished Phi Delts included men such as Neil Armstrong, Frank Lloyd Wright, Tim Conway, Phil Walden and so many more!  I knew my son was going to be in good and honorable company.

Our family embraces this experience! We can’t wait for the next step! Watching our Son, Grandson, Brother, Nephew grow to a man as a Phi Delta Theta.

Brandie (Paul’s Mom)

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My message to Phi Delta Theta and all fraternity men is direct and simple.  No man’s life is worth the risk.  Every man that comes into your chapter is precious to someone.  Each one is someone’s son, brother, grandson, nephew or uncle.  When they come to your chapter you have no idea of the knowledge or experience they have with alcohol.  I plead that every chapter take care to assure no family has to go through what we did on that day in 2009 and given the situation, we had a very positive outcome, our son is alive.

In order to prevent another incident like our son’s or the others that ended up in a death, a number of things have to change.  I am not naïve enough to believe that fraternities will stop drinking so here are my suggestions.

Leadership should be two deep.  By this I mean that any decision made in planning, preparing for and carrying out events, even spontaneous ones, should be made by at least two leaders. Two heads are better than one and by allowing two people to weigh in on a decision there is a check and balance.  Anticipate the unexpected, no one set out for this to happen.

Alcohol impairs judgment and the insidious thing is you don’t feel you are impaired.  My son and the people he was with did not recognize how serious things were.  It took someone from outside of the situation who had not been drinking to see it.  I recommend that every event have at least one person appointed who has the job of wing man, who stays alert and clear and watches for unanticipated consequences.

Members should work on changing the culture of their chapter to focus on building brotherhood and supporting one another, rather than drinking.   Leaders should lead by example.  Avoid group think and peer pressure and be aware the center in the brain that controls decision making is not fully developed until age 25.

We love our son more than life itself.  I have often said that if he had died someone would have to remind me to breathe, every breath, everyday, possibly for years.  There is no need for any parent to have to fear, we should know our sons are safe in the care of the brotherhood of their fraternity.

Cindy Trupka shares her personal story to convey the passion she has about the importance of protecting the well being and safety of all children, even those who are adults.  She is the mother of three; a daughter Brittany Winnike, and two sons A. Tristan Trupka and Brennan J. Trupka.  Our family is well aware that the outcome for Brennan could have been far worse and of the precious gift we have been given of his continued life.  It is this gift that supports her passion to share their story.  Cindy believes one incident averted or one life saved will be worth the effort.

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How do you get parents to understand that Phi Delta Theta is more than just a house? How do you help them understand the value of your fraternal experience without them attending ritual?

The average parent would probably say they are confused enough by LMAO and Tweeting. What about the parent that did not attend college and does not recognize the funny looking letters on your house and shirts…or phrases like coke date, swap and mixers.

As the first-generation college student population increases the number of first-time fraternity parents does as well. Most of these students start off at a two-year institution and then transfer often times with a break immediately after high school for work and/or military service.

What does this mean for you as a Phi Delt?

As you’re probably discovering the way your chapter is recruiting is changing. The potential new members might be a little older, might be coming to school from the military and have parents that are not familiar with what fraternities have become today. Fraternities are no longer “frats.” They no longer have membership restricted by race and the phrase “values-based recruiting” is a part of the everyday conversation.

Recruiting potential new members and keeping members also includes recruiting and retaining their parents.

As chapter leaders, it is important that parents be included in the undergraduate membership experience. No, I’m not talking about inviting them to social events and chapter meetings. But consider how parents could be included in the other aspects the fraternal experience.

It could be as simple as a parent newsletter. Don’t just send them a copy of the alumni newsletter. Make a specific one for them. Make it parent specific. Include pictures with members doing “stuff,” not just pictures of members dressed up in costumes for social events. Show them what day-to-day living is like in the fraternity house and/or on campus. They want to know about intramurals and the service project the chapter just completed and even the member who got his first A on a test.

Consider starting a Parent or Mom or Dad Club. They can be a virtual “club” since not all parents are (a) parents in the traditional sense especially with the growth of step-parents and (b) not all parents live nearby. Take advantage of Facebook and have a Fan page for parents only. Create a Parent Chairman position to communicate with parents. He can post reminders about upcoming fees, events and updates on the chapter’s activities. Some parent clubs work with Housing Corporations on projects and/or fundraising. Below is an example of a fundraising letter sent to active members’ parents by the chapter president’s mother.

Use the same communication strategies that you use with members. No, not the chapter listserv that generates 100+ emails a day. Use the chapter’s AIM or Twitter account with the reminders and daily updates. Invite parents to follow and/or subscribe to it. Keep in mind that means that these messages should always be parent friendly.

Keep in mind that parent relations should not be hard or expensive. Parents want to be involved and want to know what is happening with their kid at college. Creating relationships with parents is very similar to recruiting potential new members: meet them, make them your friend, introduce them to your friends and then introduce them to Phi Delta Theta.

PARENT LETTER EXAMPLE

Up on the housetop, reindeer pause.
Out jumps good old Santa Claus.
The roof gives way at the Pike house, alas
Santa lands in the foyer, right on his —.
Ho, ho, ho! Where did he go? Ho, ho, ho! Where did he go?

As the holiday season approaches, ideas for the perfect gift begin to overtake my thoughts. I have a 20-year old son who is a member of the XYZ Fraternity at the ANYWHERE College. Since he turned twelve and gave up paint ball, it has been my greatest challenge to give him a Christmas gift that is meaningful and appreciated.

So if you are a XYZ, a recently graduated XYZ, a parent, or spouse, here is a chance to give an interesting gift and offer a helping hand to the entire brotherhood. The fraternity house is in need of a new roof and estimates for replacement costs are in the range of $15,000. Consider making a roof repair donation in honor of your XYZ.

A $25 donation will provide one bundle of shingles and two bundles are $50. It will take approximately 600 bundles to cover the roof. Mail checks to:

ANYWHERE College
Memphis, TN 38112

Please include XYZ fundraiser on the MEMO line of the check. Within a few days, you will receive a certificate that can be presented to your XYZ honoree on Christmas morning or a similar occasion.

I truly believe that your XYZ will appreciate the thoughtfulness of this gift. These young men who are current brothers have every intention of raising this money and having the job done properly and they will certainly appreciate the financial help. This house full of friendship and fun will be made secure for posterity. Please help Santa stay safe on the housetop.

For further information on this project, contact CHAPTER PRESIDENT, Theta Chapter president, EMAIL@ANYWHERE.edu.

Donations are not tax-deductible.

Sincerely,

Parent of XYZ Chapter President

M.L. Gough is the Event Coordinator for the University Center and Rose Theatre at The University of Memphis. She is a Delta Zeta from Arkansas State University and received her Masters of Education from The University of Arkansas. She has served as the Greek Advisor at several institutions and now enjoys volunteering with fraternities and sororities.

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